Good evening Dolls. Thanks for your patience, life got a bit hectic but I am back with part II of my Series on What lies Beneath. I feel really passionate about this subject because I know how self destructive this type of behavior can be. Its like having a goal to build something then with every 10 bricks you lay with one hand you simultaneously take away 2 with another.
In my prior post I asked a series of questions and asked If any of those scenarios sounded familiar to you. If you answered yes to any of them please keep reading. If you haven’t then still read on, you might learn something new or if at the very least nod in agreement. So let’s get started.
Scenario 1
“I wish Shane would call me. God I miss him and I wish we could be together again. I know this time I can make it work with him. I will be sexier, match my panties with my bra. I’ll even throw out all my cotton panties for those thongs and g-strings. He won’t be able to resist me. I’m going to be extra feminine and pretty. I’ll grow my hair out because he used to love me with long hair. I’ll even get hair extensions or one of those lace front thingy’s because I read that men love long hair. He really used to love mine. I’m going to wear my fitted clothes, hit the gym and wear brighter colours because he hated my drab grey and black wardrobe. By the time I’m done wowing him with my cute Feminine self he will have no choice but to give us a chance. He will love the new me! I can’t wait!”
Then you go down to the local gym, purchase an expensive membership and start planning how you will re-arrange your finances such as eating to purchase a new wardrobe. HOLD UP - stop right there.
*taps microphone* “Is this thing on???” *tap! Tap!* “Can you hear me? Ok good.”
I’m going to cut to the chase and say this right off the bat. YOU CANT MAKE A MAN WANT YOU! NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, SAY, NO MATTER HOW YOU ACT, BEND YOURSELF INTO A PRETZEL AND MAGICALLY BECOME HIS “IDEAL” WOMAN. IF HE DESNT WANT YOU FOR YOU, HE WONT WANT YOU NO MATTER WHO, OR WHAT YOU TRANSFORM YOURSELF TO BE. Skinny, slim, pretty, bright colours, thongs, matching bras and panties and a long weave it won’t matter; he simply wont stay. But there is good news. If you stop and take stalk of why you are a wonderful, loving, worthy woman of love, affection and all the good things that life has to offer you will attract a man who will want to be with you. But wait; there is even more good news. If you love yourself on top of that, treasure your beauty, your essence, respect yourself and be a HAPPY and CONTENT woman, it will be like a strong magnet that no man can resist. You must love yourself. You must respect yourself. You must establish boundaries regarding how people treat you and what you want out of your relationships. You must be happy and have a positive countenance about yourself. You must be positive and you must be involved in life and everything it has to offer. IF YOU DON’T LOVE YOURSELF FIRST AND BE HAPPY WITH WHO YOU ARE, NO MAN WORTHY OF YOU WILL BE ATTRACTED TO YOU NOR WILL HE WANT TO BE WITH YOU!! Its harsh and for the negative, down on themselves type of woman this is like hearing that your favorite non fat ice cream really had 300 grams of fat per serving more than advertised on the package but it’s a reality and if you want to change and be the person you’ve dreamt of (deep down inside) being then this is what you have to do.
Ok, now that, that’s out of the way let me elaborate. I hope your still with me because there are some hard truths ahead that you need to hear. Yes, harder than what I just said.
1. You must love yourself
When you love yourself you treasure who you are. You accept yourself flaws and all and still think of yourself as fabulous. You recognize that those flaws exist but they don’t define who you are as a person. Combined with your abundance of amazing traits, together they make you who you are as a person and you love them just the same. When you love yourself you don’t constantly remind yourself of what you don’t like about yourself and when you make a mistake, you recognize it for what it is, a mistake and a learning experience and you move on. When you love yourself you keep fit because it makes you happy and you like being healthy. When you love yourself, you buy clothes because they look nice on you and they make you feel good. You buy them not because someone else will think it looks amazing on you (thus trying to please someone else), but because you think it looks great on you and you TRUST your own judgment. Trusting yourself and loving yourself goes hand in hand. You trust your own judgment, you trust your gut (vital!), you believe in yourself and your ability to accomplish whatever you set your mind to, you own your own domain, your brand, what makes you the fabulous person you are. You, as a beautiful, vital woman are your own brand each and every time you walk out the door, and your brand speaks about you every time you interact with other people including your co workers, your boss, dry cleaner, family, boy friend’s and most importantly other men.
“What does she mean by brand??”
Your brand is similar to the brand of a product except you are the product. For example, Pepsi is a brand and the Pepsico Company markets their product as a refreshing beverage. They pepper their commercials with smiling happy people, holding their product, interacting and having fun. Then comes the refreshing gulp and the commercial ends with a smiling and quenched Pepsi drinker. Same applies to you without the millions of dollars in advertising commercials.
You are a brand. But the advertising is not just in what you wear and how you carry yourself (that matters too but we won’t broach that topic very much in this post) but in how you feel, what you think and how you view the world. If you constantly focus on the bad, and negative things happening, if you don’t love yourself enough to want to make yourself happy for you, if you constantly try to re-brand yourself to fit someone else’s ideal and if you constantly think negatively of who you are as a person then you will send out a negative vibe that say, “I’m not worthy of anything good, so don’t waste your time on me. I’m a negative person who hates life, and I have nothing good to offer myself, you or anyone else. I’m a perfect victim”. Like attracts like and soon you will attract the wrong guys who read and understand those vibes and repel the men who read and understand the vibes emitted by positive women.
You don’t want to be anyone’s victim, which is how you end up attracting men who don’t value you as a person and will use you, play with you, and make you jump through hoops for their own entertainment. You must love yourself.
To love yourself means to take time out for yourself and get to know yourself and what makes you happy. Get involved in positive activities that you enjoy no matter what anyone thinks because these activities are what you enjoy. Spend time with yourself because if you don’t love spending time with yourself how do you expect anyone to want to spend time with you?
“But I don’t want to be alone. I hate it!”
Sadly, contrary to popular belief being alone for a while is the first step to loving yourself. It hurts at first but it gets easier especially if you go out, meet new people, get involved with outside activities. And getting out means that you are projecting your energy outside of yourself and appreciating life, and interacting with other people. In the process you won’t feel lonely; you will discover new things about yourself and trust your ability to make your own decisions about what makes you happy. You will start to feel more positive and that positivity will shift your brand and make yourself more desirable to yourself and others.
2. Respect yourself
When you respect yourself you don’t try to change yourself to be more ideal for someone who doesn’t accept you for who you are. When a man pulls away, harshly criticizes you, and puts you down you don’t seek to change yourself to fit his ideal because you recognize that such a person cannot be pleased and you don’t seek to please anyone but yourself. When you respect yourself you value yourself above someone else’s harsh criticisms and even though it hurts you, you won’t want to stay with someone who doesn’t accept you the way you are. If a man chooses to leave you let him go knowing its him and not you. You don’t buy a new wardrobe to make him stay, or over extend yourself on a gym membership to be thin and ideal. You do those things for yourself not for anyone else.
3. You establish boundaries
When you love yourself you establish boundaries or rules of engagement on how people treat you. loving and respecting yourself means you don’t allow people to walk all over you and take advantage of you but you don’t “put them in their place” rudely, with attitude and a “machete to kill a fly” approach. Why? Because you love and respect yourself enough to not do anything that will bring down your brand. Your brand is marketable. Your brand communicates that you are worthy of good and positive things because you are emitting good and positive energy which attracts positive people who want to bless you with positive opportunities.
It’s a vicious cycle I know but one that benefits you greatly!!!!
Do you see what I am getting at dolls?
Stay Tuned for my next entry June 16th
Your thoughts?? Labels: femininity
0 comments:
Post a Comment